About being tall

I am not incredibly tall, but at 6'5", I am tall enough to have learned some lessons that I wish to pass on to the young tall people out there:

1. Always remember that being tall is a blessing, and personally, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

2. And furthermore, it is a gift that never goes away. Beautiful people all get ugly, fit people all get fatter and weaker, and smart people all lose their mental sharpness eventually, but you will always be tall. Of course, you also be ugly, fat, and stupid, but you’ll still be tall.

3. Be prepared to hear the following comment at least 10-15 times per month: “Oh my god. Your head almost hits the top of the doorway!” People never get over this, and they never will. It is a fascination that I’ve come to believe is inherent to human nature.

4. One thing you’ll learn quickly is among the more persistent features of being tall: everywhere you go, everybody in the area can see you, and you can see them. This is a strange feeling, and it can be both convenient (e.g., when finding people in crowds), as well as quite disconcerting sometimes (e.g., everybody can see what a pathetic dancer you are).

5. Keep in mind that tall people usually only realize that it is a blessing after puberty. Before then, it makes you different and awkward. I grew 11 inches in one year when I was young; talk about awkward. Also, for those of you in elementary schools that practice the “size order” walking in class lines policy, there is something really demeaning about being last in every single line you ever walk in.

6. A word of caution: public transportation and air travel are going to be a problem. Regarding the latter, my advice is bulkhead seats. Regarding the former, my advice is to avoid it at all costs.

7. You will frequently end up in situations where you must deal with the tall person’s worst nightmare: the little man. The little man is the short male who is profoundly threatened by your height regardless of how non-threatening you act, and he will automatically, almost instinctually, become aggressive and defensive in your presence. You must be very careful in dealing with the little man. I have always found it helpful to remain seated as much as possible in his presence, as well as to avoid using any words that imply length (e.g., say ‘what’s happening?’ instead of ‘what’s up?’). On the other hand, if you see one of these little men being aggressive, loud, or annoying in your general vicinity, there is a guaranteed means of shutting him up: walk over to him, and stand right next to him. He will always, very quickly, calm down.

The beast in my life...

Some thoughts about cats:

1. I have come to believe that over time, domestic cats have evolved such that they have the ability to hear the sound that a food can makes when one opens it from incredible distances.
2. I love how cats rub against your leg and purr. It is a wonderfully affectionate and cute behavioral tendency. However, the truth of it is: they are marking territory with the glands located on the sides of their mouth. What seems cute and loving is actually behavior that is indicative of one simple fact: you are your cat's property, and you stink of it.
3. I read a study of farm cats' behavior once, and the researchers broke down a typical day in terms of percentage of time the cats spent doing certain activities. The breakdown was as follows: 40% sleeping, 20% resting, 8% hunting, 8% grooming, 22% traveling, and 2% feeding. I love the 20% resting and 22% traveling.
4. Look - I appreciate the bringing dead animals home as gifts and everything, but it can really get out of control sometimes. My cat likes to leave these gifts on my porch, including chipmunks, birds, and of course, mice. My porch has basically turned into a morgue. Every time I walk out there, I feel like the theme song from Platoon should be playing in the background. I'm thinking of building my cat a depot or a showcase or something - maybe a deposit box.
5. My cat is young and extremely energetic. He does several annoying things, most notably meowing (i.e., whining) when he wants something. This is not a big deal, but it can get out of control. I am currently engaged in a war over this whining behavior. I will not acknowledge him when he whines, and if he persists too long, he gets the spray bottle. I am convinced that we will be waging this war against each other for many years to come. And although I win more than my share of battles, I know that eventually, he will win the war.
6. When my last cat died of kidney failure last summer, I cried for two days. I still cry about that cat sometimes, and I still think he is going to round the corner in my house sometimes. They are truly amazing animals - so aloof and independent, and yet so able to easily etch themselves into one's heart.

Dork credentialling

I am 6'5" tall, about 250 pounds, a fairly good-looking and popular guy, and an ex-football, baseball, and rugby player. But all that is basically just a disguise. I am a total dork by trade.

My credentials are as follows:
1. I have well over 400 individual episodes of Star Trek on tape (mostly TNG, DS9, and VGR). I maintain a Microsoft Access database that lists each episode and its location within my library of about 100 VHS cassettes. Each of these cassettes is clearly labeled and numbered (I used to write the labels by hand; now I print them), and I have watched every episode at least two or three times.

2. I am an obsessive fantasy baseball player. I watch roughly 3-4 hours of baseball every single day, following my players and negotiating trades with other owners. I record my team's performance in a spreadsheet every single day, and I regularly analyze my team's performance using Stata. I speak with my partner and co-owner at least 3-4 hours per day about our team.

3. I am a full-time Ph.D. student at Cornell University. Statistical analysis of large-scale survey data is what I do for a living.

4. The only books I read are non-fiction; I have not read a fiction book in several years. Mostly, I read books about Vietnam War history, Lyndon Johnson, and assorted other historical topics. I also informally collect reference books. I have around 75-100 reference books of all types.

5. I spend approximately 10-12 hours per day, every day, in front of my computer.

6. Every single day, I make a list of tasks I wish to accomplish the next day. These lists follow a strict format, and they are all painfully neat and structured. I write the header of each list, as well as designated parts of the body, in calligraphy. I use different pens for different parts of the lists.

7. I spend an average of 1-2 hours each day doing New York Times sunday crossword puzzles.

Let's start simple

Nobody will ever read this. I'm comfortable with that.