After the release of the Iraq Study Group Report on Wednesday, I have come across some of the recommendations that were left out of the final version:
- Employ new terminology for phased redeployment strategy – call it “cut and paste”
- Send in Karl Rove to eat all the insurgents
- Channel violent energy of Iraqis into “Doom” video game and squeezable stress balls
- Convene Mideast peace conference with Israeli delegation sitting at table in the carport
- Boost domestic war support by planting and finding WMD’s under mattress in Saddam Hussein’s prison cell
- Arrange marriage of Bush daughters to Iranian Mullahs
- Increase independence from Mideast oil by developing hybrid tanks and war planes
- Just run without cutting
- Change U.S. army uniforms to burqas
- Send in Dick Cheney as an anger management consultant to mediate disputes
- Protect the sanctity of marriage, and everything else will fall into place
