16 January 2005

A Matter of Factor

I just saw something disturbing. Apparently, Bill O’Reilly, host of the Fox News program “The O’Reilly Factor,” has released a childrens’ book – “The O’Reilly Factor for Kids.” I cannot express how odd and troubling this book is to those of us who still cling to archaic ideas such as civility, intelligence, and the free exchange of ideas, but here are few sections of the book that I hear are particularly good:

  • Making sure your teacher isn’t homosexual; how to get homosexual teachers fired
  • How to start a movement to privatize your school lunch program
  • Increasing your allowance with tax cuts
  • Showing them who’s boss: dominating female classmates in gym class
  • Effective teasing of Arab-American classmates: a primer
  • The evidence suggesting that Santa Claus is actually President Bush
  • My two mommies: how to undermine your gay parents’ marriage
  • How to make a President Bush statue using popsicle sticks, glue, and glitter
  • Preparing for your military career during elementary school
  • Using recess time to fight terrorism: five simple steps
  • How to spot a liberal classmate in a playground environment
  • Investing your lunch money in a private Social Security account
  • Why you’re NOT – and never will be – left behind