Is self-rule getting you down?

Is your nation having problems?

Are your leaders failing you? Are you annoyed at having your nation harbor pesky terrorists? Are you tired of being too irresponsible to even enrich uranium?

Then act now to get US assistance! Its our brand new “Express Governmental Overthrow and Restaffing Program,” a worldwide program to help sovereign nations help themselves. For a small fee (i.e., your entire infrastructure and the lives of thousands of military and civilian personnel), the United States will help you identify your troubles and remove them. Don’t get left behind! Become a born-again democracy by calling now!

We’re here to help, folks. Our techniques utilize the state of the art in military intervention and political subterfuge. We’ll fabricate your justification, administer your national elections, destroy and renovate your governmental buildings, and we’ll make sure that your new leaders are upstanding and responsible individuals.

We guarantee that you’ll see results within the 60-day presidential window granted by the War Powers Act of 1973. If you’re unsatisfied after that time, we’ll shell the city of your choice, and build you a brand new sewage system, both free of charge!

Just call us at 1-800-REBUILD, and get your nation moving in the right direction today.

But wait – there’s more! Call now and you’ll get a Paul Wolfowitz autographed poster, absolutely free! (While supplies last.)